Prob shouldn't have posted that last one...

It appears I was a little too excited and hit "publish" too soon on my last blog post. Although I tested pregnant I confirmed today that the baby stopped growing around six weeks, so it's technically a missed abortion (or missed miscarriage, according to Google). That's when the fetus dies in the first trimester but the body doesn't recognize the loss or expel the pregnancy tissue, so you still experience signs of pregnancy.

To take a step back, I had my six week appointment and confirmed the pregnancy. Armed with info, I felt more prepared than ever as I already knew what to expect with Anthony. I felt great, a bit tired at times, and like I was getting a pouch, so natural I figured the baby was doing well. Then when I went for my eight week sonogram I saw the baby was smaller than Anthony was at size and there was no heartbeat, I knew right away. It was devastating to see and hear, and I had so many thoughts running through my head:

- Why, after I had a healthy pregnancy with Anthony? When I first found out I was pregnant I was more concerned about the glucose issues with the baby due to my small placenta size when I was pregnant with Anthony
- It took me a while to get pregnant with Anthony - this happened quickly, so it was probably too good to be true.
- It's better it happened now than if I was further along or if the baby was born ill and didn't make it. That would be much worse.
- What did I do to make it happen? Was it a plane ride, or the few runs I went on.
- I have Anthony and he's amazing. Should I stop while I'm ahead?
- I'm essentially a walking casket.
- It's hard to grasp that this poor little thing inside of me just wasn't healthy enough to grow and thrive.
- Before today confirmed the miscarriage it was a mix of fear (what if something is wrong) and hope (what if it's alive and just growing slowly/small)

There's probably more emotions I'm missing but I was definitely all over the place.

I'm working to schedule a D&C for the coming weeks but until then it's like a ticking time bomb, as my body can reject the baby at any time. When/if that happens it's supposed to be horrible cramps and like 10 days of heavy bleeding. Needless to say my cute white capris will remain in my closet until further notice.

While many people don't know about my pregnancy (it was so early I didn't say much) or miscarriage, it's startling to hear how many people have suffered miscarriages. It's emotionally draining and I couldn't imagine going through this more than once, so it's surprising how many people have had several. My hearts go out to anyone who experiences this.

I always recognized and appreciated the miracle of life. I never took one second of my last pregnancy for granted, and still look at Anthony - and how much he's grown - as an amazing gift from God. I know it's for the best, and that this baby is in a better place up in heaven, but it's still hard to come to terms with the fact that I lost a child. While some can say it was a fetus or embryo, I still see it as a baby. I will always hold a special place in my heart for my little one - baby number 2 - who would have been due on 2-22-2017.

Baby #2 Due 2-22

The last time I blogged was right before I had Anthony, and it has been a whirlwind since. We've enjoyed every second with our precious little guy and have had so much fun watching his personality unfold over these last few years. In addition to being handsome, smart, loving, funny, passionate, friendly and a picky eater, he's also become very independent. He's potty trained, can get snacks for himself, can tell me what's bothering him if he's sick, and we overall have a great time together. I'm glad we had that special time together because in 9 months he will become a big brother. He jokes that there's a chipmunk in mommy's belly - probably because there are a bunch of chipmunks in our backyard. But nonetheless I think he will be a big help with his little brother or sister.

I told Rob we were expecting on Father's Day. The month before we decided it was a good time to start trying to expand our family and then a few weeks later - boom - the test was positive. Never in a million years did I expect it to happen that fast, especially because it took a while with Anthony. But I'm very excited for Baby #2 to arrive in February - due Wednesday, Feb. 22. 2017. I found out when I was four weeks along and we went to the doctor a day shy of week four. On week 8 we go for our first sonogram - can't wait to see the little one then!

People say things change when you have baby #2 - less pictures, you know what to expect, etc. But I still think it would be nice to document the journey again. So here we go!

How far along?: 6 weeks
Total weight gain: 0
How big is baby?: Estimated to be about the size of a blueberry
Maternity clothes?: No way, though I definitely feel like I have a pouch more than before
Sleep?: Yes - I'm likely asleep by 10:30 these days.. big change from before.
Best moment this week?: Going to the doctor to confirm
Movement?: He or she is just getting cozy; too small for movement
Food cravings?: Not yet, but I just took a bite of Taylor Ham and it totally turned my stomach (which is probably a good thing)
Labor signs?: None for a long time
Belly button in or out?: Innie
What I miss: Coffee
What I'm looking forward to: Telling our families and friends
Milestone: We're pregnant and Anthony will be a big brother!
Note: I do feel more queasy in the mornings, especially if I don't eat. And I'm also paranoid about this Zika virus!

Tick Tock.. 39 Weeks Today!

Week 38 Recap

How far along?: 39 weeks today

Total weight gain: According to the scale this morning I'm around 21 pounds, which means I lost a few over the last week

How big is baby?: 38: Celery Bunch; Week 39: Mini Watermelon

Sleep?: Still get sleep at night but have a hard time falling back to sleep after my bathroom trips, which range from 1-3 times per night

Best moments?: Going out for a fun dinner with friends (Melissa, Dan, Serenella and Mike)

Worst moments: This is a new category but I felt the need to document two things I'm not too happy about. 

1) I'm not sure if it's allergies or a head cold from Rob, but I haven't been able to deal with the amount of sneezing that's come along with whatever I have so I took a Zyrtec, which is on my doctor's list of okay meds. It has helped a little but I still feel horrible for taking something since I've held out on taking medications the rest of the pregnancy. I am just so afraid I'm going to sneeze the baby out since I can't seem to stop. From pains in my side to slightly peeing my pants, consistently sneezing while 9+ months pregnant sucks! 

2) Another not so fun part of this past week was getting my TDAP shot. I was on the fence about it for a while since I'm not a fan of getting shots (I can tolerate the pain but don't like adding crap to my body - even getting the flu shot was a huge step for me this year) but decided to get it since it will protect the baby. The shot left my arm in pain for a few days, which I guess is normal, but I'm hoping this cold/headache thing isn't a crazy side effect too.

Movement?: He still moves around but not as much or as painful. Maybe that means he's getting tight on space

Food cravings?: Nothing really..

Food aversions: None..

Labor signs?: I think I've had some Braxton Hicks contractions and lower back pain but otherwise no labor signs

Belly button in or out?: Depends on how he's laying. Some days it's half out and others its flat. Doesn't matter to me either way.. it's an expected part of pregnancy!

What I miss: Regular clothes, being able to go for a run, not feeling guilty about taking medications if I'm sick

Milestones: My son is due one week from today!

Proud Pet Parent

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a VERY proud pet parent. Recently, my brother got him a LazyBonezz collar and submitted his picture for their Facebook page. It just appeared today and of course I'm bragging all over the office about my adorable puppy (okay, he's not a puppy since he's 8 1/2 years old, but will always be my little boy). Check out my little "Stud!"

37 Weeks Down!

Week 37 Recap

How far along?: 38 weeks today

Total weight gain: 24 pounds

How big is baby?: Week 37: Leek; Week 38: Celery Bunch

Sleep?: Some nights are better than others but still manage to always get a few hours of sleep

Best moments?: It's not the best moment, but this weekend I finally finished the last bit of baby laundry. Last week was also great since my team at work threw me a nice luncheon

Movement?: OMG yes he moves around like crazy and it's really starting to hurt! I'm still amazed at how my stomach contorts to such different positions

Food cravings?: Nothing really..

Food aversions: None..

Labor signs?: I'm still nervous about every pain or kick, especially since they are getting strong, but no other labor signs just yet

Belly button in or out?: It's like half in, half out

What I miss: Regular clothes. I'm so sick of maternity pants and this has been a cold spring so I really can't crack out nice dresses or maternity skirts/shorts

Milestones: Making it through another weekend and knowing there are two more weeks to go!

Random Thoughts..

These are things that could go in my next weekly update but since they are top of mind now I thought I'd jot them down:

• My last sonogram showed that Anthony was head down but based on the funky positions he's been getting in lately I think he may have moved
• I'm back to getting up twice a night to go to the bathroom.. no fun
• Since he's getting bigger, the weight seems to shift to one side if I sleep on my side. If I'm not propped up with pillows I wake up (not sure if it's discomfort or him kicking). My answer - sleep sitting up. Rob woke up early today and I think was a little surprised to see that, but it's definitely more comfortable
• Work threw me a team lunch the other day and it was so nice. Lots of laughs, advice and a yummy lunch! It was very thoughtful
• I've come to the conclusion that I'm not afraid of labor or delivery but what does freak me out is a) not knowing when it may happen b) I won't be prepared c) I'll have a hard time juggling everything once I go back to work d) even though he's not here yet I already don't want to leave my little man

36 Week Recap

Week 36 Recap

How far along?: 37 Weeks today

Total weight gain: 22 pounds

How big is baby?: Week 36: Coconut; Week 37: Leek

Sleep?: Occassionally getting up in the middle of the night for the bathroom. Some nights its easier to get back to sleep than others

Best moments?: Getting to see the baby last Monday. Next time I see him should be when he's here! We also went to a wedding on Saturday (4/20) and had a great time with friends. I was able to last all night dancing in high heels and still felt great. That will be one of the last times we head out without having to worry about the baby (at least until the next wedding in August!)

Movement?: Yep. Still bouncing around and some kicks are pretty tough. I'm thinking future soccer player or boxer is nesting in there..

Food cravings?: I could go for some ice cream or sherbert

Food aversions: None

Labor signs?: Nothing yet.. but now I'm more nervous about every pain or kick.

Belly button in or out?: Somewhat flat but the top occassionally pops out a little depending on his position

What I miss: If I had to say something, it's not having to worry about everything I eat or drink but it's manageable. I feel like I haven't had too much to complain about with this pregnancy. I've been very lucky!

Milestones: Being full term and asking Joey to be the baby's godfather on Saturday.